Domestic Labor and the Second Shift: Who Does What at Home?

Women in the U.S. still do nearly twice as much unpaid housework and childcare as men-even when they work full-time jobs. This isn’t just a matter of preference. It’s a pattern built over decades, reinforced by invisible rules, and it’s costing women their time, energy, and peace of mind. The term second shift was coined in the late 1980s by sociologist Arlie Russell Hochschild to describe what happens after the paid workday ends: the laundry, the meals, the school drop-offs, the bedtime routines, the cleaning, the emotional labor of remembering everyone’s needs. And while men have increased their contributions since then, the gap hasn’t closed enough. Women still carry the bulk of it.

What the Numbers Don’t Tell You

The American Time Use Survey from 2023 shows that on days women work, they spend 2.6 hours on household chores and 1.2 hours on childcare. Men? 1.9 hours and 0.7 hours. That’s not a small difference. That’s over 50% more work for women. In California, where data is more detailed, working mothers spend 37 hours a week on unpaid care and housework-equivalent to a second full-time job. Fathers? Around 19 hours. That’s nearly 20 hours less. And for Latina women, the gap is even wider: they do more than twice as much as Latino men.

But here’s what’s harder to measure: the mental load. It’s not just about scrubbing the sink or folding laundry. It’s about remembering to refill the baby’s formula, scheduling the dentist appointment, knowing which kid needs clean socks tomorrow, and worrying about whether the groceries will run out before payday. Women are more likely to be the ones holding the mental calendar. Men might help with the task, but women are still the ones managing it all.

Progress? Yes. But Not Enough

Back in the 1970s, women did about 27 hours of housework a week. Men? Just 5. By 1985, women had cut their time to 20 hours. Men rose to 7. That’s progress. But the structure didn’t change. Women stopped doing as much cleaning and cooking-but they didn’t stop doing the majority of it. They started doing more of the things men used to do, like fixing things or handling finances. But they kept doing the things they always did. The routine, repetitive, invisible labor stayed with them.

Today, even in couples who say they share everything equally, women still end up doing two-thirds of the daily chores. Why? Because when you’re both working full-time, it’s not about fairness-it’s about what’s expected. A man who helps with dishes is seen as generous. A woman who doesn’t do them? She’s seen as lazy. That’s the unspoken rule.

The Hidden Cost: Time, Health, and Relationships

That extra 72% of household labor women do after work isn’t just tiring. It’s draining. It eats into sleep. It kills spontaneity. It reduces time for friends, hobbies, or even quiet moments alone. Studies show women who carry the second shift report higher stress, lower sexual desire, and more marital conflict. It’s not that they don’t love their families. It’s that they’re running on empty.

And here’s a twist: because housework is physical, women actually get more daily movement than men. They’re walking, lifting, bending, scrubbing. But this isn’t exercise. It’s compulsory labor. It doesn’t count as self-care. It doesn’t give them energy-it takes it away. You can’t burn calories and feel restored at the same time.

After divorce, something interesting happens: women’s housework hours drop sharply. That’s not because they suddenly became less capable. It’s because the expectation that they should do it all disappeared. The work didn’t vanish-it just stopped being assigned to them.

Who’s Left Behind?

This isn’t a problem that affects all women the same way. Latina women in California average 22.6 hours of unpaid care work per week. Latino men? Just 10.1. That’s not a gap. That’s a chasm. The same pattern holds for Black women, who are more likely to be primary caregivers and less likely to have access to paid help. Meanwhile, professional women in middle-class households are more likely to outsource some tasks-hiring cleaners, nannies, meal delivery services. But even then, they’re still managing it all. The person who hires the cleaner is still the one who remembers to pay the bill, checks the quality, and feels guilty if it’s not done right.

The global care chain is real: women from lower-income countries often come to the U.S. to clean other people’s homes and care for their children-while their own children are raised by relatives back home. The burden shifts, but it doesn’t disappear.

Why Doesn’t It Change?

Some say it’s because men don’t know how to do it. That’s not true. Most men can fold laundry. They can make a meal. They can drive to soccer practice. The problem isn’t skill. It’s socialization. Men are raised to see housework as optional help. Women are raised to see it as their responsibility. Even when both partners work, the default assumption is still: she’ll handle it.

Employers don’t help either. Flexible hours? Rare. Paid parental leave? Patchy. Childcare subsidies? Insufficient. The system is built around the idea that someone-usually a woman-is at home, ready to manage everything else. That’s why men can work 50-hour weeks and still get promoted. Women? They’re working 60.

What Can Be Done?

Change doesn’t come from guilt trips or Pinterest quotes about "teamwork." It comes from action. Here’s what works:

• Track it. Write down who does what for a week. Not guesswork. Actual time logged. You’ll be shocked.
• Assign, don’t ask. Instead of "Can you help with dinner?" say, "You’re on dinner Tuesday and Thursday." Clarity reduces resentment.
• Share the mental load. Use a shared app or whiteboard. Let both people see the calendar, the grocery list, the appointments. Don’t let one person be the keeper of the system.
• Call out the invisible work. If you notice your partner only cleans up after cooking but never plans meals or shops, say it. "I’m tired of being the one who remembers everything. Let’s switch who plans the week’s meals."
• Challenge the norm. When someone says, "Oh, she’s just better at it," say, "She’s had more practice because she’s always been expected to do it."

The Bigger Picture

This isn’t just about who does the dishes. It’s about who gets to rest. Who gets to advance in their career. Who gets to be tired without being blamed. Who gets to be a whole person, not just a caretaker.

The revolution Hochschild wrote about in 1989 didn’t stall because women stopped working. It stalled because men didn’t start sharing equally. The data hasn’t changed much in 35 years. And if we keep waiting for fairness to happen on its own, it never will.

It’s not about making men better. It’s about changing the system that tells them they don’t have to be.

What Comes Next?

As remote work becomes more common, the lines between paid and unpaid labor blur. More people are working from home. More children are learning from home. More elders need care. The second shift isn’t going away-it’s expanding. Without intentional change, women will bear even more of it.

The question isn’t whether we can fix this. We’ve already seen it get better. The question is: do we have the will to make it fair?